Most definitions of mindfulness are too idealistic for my taste. For instance, they often include the criteria that you become non-judgmental. I don’t know many people who can achieve that.
The simplest definition I use with clients is to strike a small bell and then we sit quietly and listen. Mindfulness is just listening (or noticing the present moment) with full attention. We’ve had experiences like this many times, but probably we have been unaware of its importance.
Most people want to learn mindfulness to become more calm and to “stop thoughts.” I don’t blame them, but the question is how do we really become more calm? (Hint: by accepting our experience exactly as it is). As I said at the beginning, this is difficult work.
We create suffering for ourselves when we want people or circumstances to be other than what they are. For instance, most of us have spent a lot of time trying to change others in the hope of making ourselves happy. When this works, all is fine. But often we aren’t successful and left with a situation or person’s behavior that we wish we didn’t have to deal with. A good mindfulness practice will include awareness of this: we practice noticing and accepting our experience, regardless of how if it feels, whether it’s boredom, joy, anger, restlessness or self-doubt.
Being with ourselves like this is usually a new experience, and one that can eventually help reduce our suffering. Unfortunately, it makes almost no sense to our rational mind, but that’s an issue for another time.
How to Practice Mindfulness Meditation
1. Posture
- Assume a posture that will support an alert state of mind.
- Try to keep back straight but not tense.
- Take a moment to adjust your posture, so that you’re not leaning to one side.
- Notice your body. If there are places of tension gently notice them.
- You may keep your eyes closed or open, whichever is more comfortable.
- Your mouth should be closed and your tongue resting against your palate.
2. Breath
- Do not try to do anything special to your breath.
- However, you may notice that with practice your breath tends to drop from your chest into your belly.
- Count the exhalations from one to ten (optional).
3. Mind
- When you are counting your breath your mind will wander.
- When you finally notice that your mind has wandered simply notice the most recent thought, e.g. “Having a thought about lunch.”
- Just return to the present moment: seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching. If you’re counting your breaths, just return to counting. If you’ve forgotten which number you were on, begin with one.
- The most subtle thoughts are those that contain evaluations of yourself that seem to be true. You’ll find yourself thinking things such as, “I’m no good at this,” or “Nothing seems to be happening.” Just notice these thoughts as you would any other thought and return to the present moment (seeing, hearing, etc.) or the counting.
If you have questions about mindfulness, or you want to learn more, I encourage you to contact me by email: Bill@BillCooperCounseling.com
