Bill Cooper Counseling

From time to time clients will ask me for resources of mindfulness Mp3′s and until recently I wasn’t able to help.  However, I’ve recently landed on UCLA’s Mindfulness Awareness Research Program (MARC).  They have made several excellent guided meditation talks available on iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/itunes-u/mindful-meditations/id434136047#ls=1

I hope you enjoy them!

Many therapies take at face value the client’s reported problem. For instance, a client comes to therapy and says he wants to quit drinking (this applies to any problem).  So the therapist accepts this goal, and they work on it, oftentimes with little success, because usually the client continues the problematic behavior.

Gestalt asks an interesting question: if the client says he wants to quit drinking, why hasn’t he?  What is it that he enjoys or finds beneficial about the so-called problem? What’s going on with him that continues the behavior? In the case of alcohol or drug abuse it can be a lot of things: release from daily stressors, excitement of doing something illegal, relief from depression, excitement of being a rebel, etc.  Only when this is looked at, understood and accepted can the person move to the next step of doing without the alcohol. 

This step is highly counter-intuitive for many clients. They will ask, “Why do I want to look at and understand my drinking. I just want to quit!”  But that dynamic of not working with the behavior must somehow be holding the problem in place or the behavior wouldn’t be there. Usually there’s so much shame about having the problem that the client needs support to look at it closely.  This can be where therapy comes in.  The alcohol is meeting a powerful need for the person.  That need must be recognized and honored so that ways other than alcohol can eventually be found to meet it.

Hi All,

I’m moving my office on Friday July 8!  My new address will be 9 Lake Bellevue Drive, suite 217.   Beginning  July 11 I’ll see all clients at the new location.  I’m excited about the opportunity and I’m looking forward to the new location!  The easiest way to describe how to get there is:

If you’re going west on NE 8th from 120th, proceed to 118th (at the restaurant called the Pumphouse just before Whole Foods).  Turn right on 118th and follow the signs to 9 Lake Bellevue.

If you have questions, feel free to email me at Bill@BillCooperCounseling.com.

I recently read Breaking Free of Managed Care by Dana Ackley and in this book he listed 5 benefits provided by therapists:

•We help people replace despair with hope

•We help people replace incompetence with effective problem-solving skills

•We help people replace terror with calm

•We help people replace intractable conflict with understanding and cooperation

•We help people replace misunderstanding with trust, and failure with success

I couldn’t have said it better.

I believe it is the job of a counselor or therapist to try to help you to reduce your suffering. People go into therapy when they want help. With this in mind, I offer a few brief thoughts on what to look for and what to expect when trying to find a good counselor.   

• You want a counselor who is trying to understand you, and you want to feel understood by your counselor. If after a few visits this is not occurring, you may want to discuss it with your therapist, or try another one.
• If it’s important to you, ask about how your counselor is working with you, what is her theoretical orientation, how does your counselor view your main problem?  Don’t be shy about these questions.  If the counselor becomes defensive or too vague for your comfort level, discuss your thoughts.
• It may take a while for the counseling experience to take a direction and for you to feel that you’re making progress.  But it should eventually feel that you are making progress.  If not, I encourage you to discuss your thoughts with your therapist.  She may not know your concerns, and you may find the discussion leads to some insight on your part as to what has been holding things up. Or you may decide to move on.

The bottom line is this: You are the expert on you.  You know more about yourself, your passions and fears than your counselor.  Reconsider your counselor if you believe she is trying to convince you of a particular story about yourself that doesn’t fit or make sense to you. 

The goal of counseling is to have a better understanding of what is holding you back in life, and to overcome that barrier if you choose to.  You should feel that your counselor is your ally in this process.